So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
