Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
