oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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