i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize