I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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