I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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