margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
