Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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