these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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