my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
