I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
