There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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