My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
