you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
