I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
