hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
