So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
