Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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