Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
