Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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