Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dick very happy bro
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
