i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
