I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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