splinters make it hard to masturbate
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
