A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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