The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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