dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
ok first of all what the fuck
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
