But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Couch. On fire.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
