Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
