you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
