just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
