I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
