I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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