My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
