lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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