Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
