a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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