fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
