I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
