I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's shark week go big or go home
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
