We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
