We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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