Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
