is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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