Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
