You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
