I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
