I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
