Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
