Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
