Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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