I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
