i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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