Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
